Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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