i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
