You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
