maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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