Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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