just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Everything about him screamed your future.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize