My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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