There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
