I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
