You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
