i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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