I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
