After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
