walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
