he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
