His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
