Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
