Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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