New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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