When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
