my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
