he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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