if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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