Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
