singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
