There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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