id be glad to
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
