Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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