you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
