I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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