Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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