One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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