I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
