HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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