Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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