if i can run in heels then i can drive
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
