I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
