i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
