So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
it's great music for shaving your balls
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
