I accidentally had phone sex last night
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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