Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
