I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
