i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
