Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize