she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
