never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
