No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
