So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
