dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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