Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
