He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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