The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
