Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
