what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
