She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
porn star boner night. come get it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
