dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
