If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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