i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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