the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
