Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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