Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
