I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
