Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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