pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
