i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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