I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
