She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Sorry my hands just texted you
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
