Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
