nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
