I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
