thus making me awesome and them whores
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize