We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
