I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize