how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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