i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
