one might say we're banned from that church
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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