Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
