We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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