If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
