is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
