You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
