oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He better not be in your backpack
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
