I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
