We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just invented taco cereal.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
is it fun? or sober?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
