Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
