Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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